Non-virgin girl wants to wait until marriage to have sex. Thoughts?
If I had a son who asked me this question in his 20s, this is what I would tell him:There are many points of compatibility that a long term relationship must meet. Sexual compatibility is one of them. Many women would like to believe that we're still in the '50s in which virginity was considered a prize. That's objectifying a woman as much as any other activity.
I've known women who claimed that they were waiting until marriage to have sex. None of them were still virgins. some of them had never been married. So withholding the sex thing appeared to me to be more about finding an excuse as to why they were not dating. ie, all men are just looking for sex.
I would also question a person's use of language. IF someone views the sex act as "giving it up," man or woman, that's not a healthy view of sex.
Withholding sex in a relationship does not insulate someone from being "used." Men can use women as beards if they are not ready to come out. They could "date" a woman to make someone else jealous. There are probably other ways of using a woman.
The other issue here is people can change. Contemplate how you might feel after 2 years of forgoing sex to remain in the relationship but it doesn't "end in" / progress on to marriage and you learn that after having ended the relationship, a couple of weeks later, she is not only dating but having sex with someone new.
It is her choice to treat sex whatever way she wants in a relationship; and, it is the man's choice to either accept those terms or pass on them and continue looking.
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